When Dogs Grieve

You may note the title chosen for this post is “When Dogs Grieve”, not “Do Dogs Grieve?”, as is more commonly found. I did that intentionally, yet not for clicks. I think to form it as a question is, frankly, ludicrous. Of course dogs grieve. They are, by Design, sentient, personable creatures. Thus, I firmly make the statement, “When Dogs Grieve”, to unabashedly let you know you are in the right place. Since we are in the midst of dealing with this exact issue presently, I felt it best to begin here as we start to get back to the dogs on this site. I am not going to give a formatted list of signs and whatnot, as you will find that plentiful on the web. Rather, I prefer to share our stories in hopes to enlighten and inspire others, as well as help my household of pups heal through this. You are encouraged to share in the comments below. So, let’s chat about when dogs grieve, shall we?

Pretty peppy pups

Normally, my pups are pretty peppy. Almost to the point that can get annoying. Even at their ages, Mia 12, Hanani 8, they are usually energetic, nosy and right by my side constantly. However, the more ill Jamie became and the more my time was focused solely on his care, the more quiet and withdrawn my girls got. I’m sure they understood that their favorite playmate was not doing well. Instead of barking at any noise they heard outside, they might yip and yap a bit, but much lower and not as often. When my beloved became bedridden, it was increasingly difficult to keep Hanani away from his side of the bed. She wanted to be as close to him as possible, though not fully feasible due to his condition at that time. Still, even when I was out of the room, she remained on the floor pillow (“place”) as close to him as she could get. I often found either of my girls staring toward him from that pillow, with ears perked, evident they were honed in and closely watching their most beloved one.

Mia is the one I sometimes call “Eeyore”. Never before had I seen a dog be able to change her face and overall composure to express utter despair. She usually did this if we finished a meal without sharing any with her, or if her begging to get on the couch failed, yet again. But during this time she began to literally mope. With increased frequency I could not even get her out of her room or outside. She was depressed.

Hanani, on the other hand, often attempted silliness to dispel the ominous air in our home. She would grab a ball or tug toy and throw it, chase after it. She bounced around as she did so, stopping to look occasionally as if to see if we were smiling yet. Of course we were and at that she would come lay beside the bed once again, keeping a watchful eye on “her man.” Even in things which she was normally a bit stubborn slowly eased away into full compliance, often at even just a glance from me. Otherwise, she became increasingly clingy.

Both of my girls can be terribly glutinous chow hounds. However, the closer Jamie got to his end here with us, the more often each of them left food in their bowls. Sometimes even skipping the meal altogether.

Absolutely, dogs are sentient, personal critters that share their grief with whom they trust. They must be tenderly cared for as such.

An air of Joy

Thank the Lord for faith, for without it we would have no Joy or peace. Especially throughout this time period. The sense of God-given Joy is not fluffy, in the moment bursts of happiness. It is a deep-set, stable affirmation that can only come through a life of consistently seeking the Lord. Oftentimes, especially in extreme circumstances, our human minds can even get confused at the notion. Having a firm, deep peace and joy within when nothing in your present surroundings is joyful or peaceful may not make sense for most. But it is the undeniable truth! The Joy of the Lord has been steadfast for me all of my adult life. Even now though, there are times when my mind says, “This doesn’t make sense!”

All that to make clear that my dogs were not reacting to or mimicking anything they saw in us. We still, and even more so the worse things got, made sure to include them and give them needed attention. For instance, while waiting for a pot to boil on the stove, I would play short games with them. Or take a break from other work to play “find me”, our version of hide and seek. After emptying a box from an item that was just delivered, I put treats in it, sealed it up and let Hanani tear it up. Stuff both my pups enjoy doing we made sure we still did. Though the play times were not as long as our usual, making these times frequent made up for that.

So, at least as far as our dogs are concerned, there is, by God’s grace, a consistent air of joy about our home. Understanding how tension, depression and all sorts of negative stuff can effect animals (physically and otherwise), practising joy and peace is just a natural thing in our home. Yes, even when Jamie and I were at odds. Too, the added reciprocal benefit of gushing attention on our pups is amazing. I wrote about that a few years ago in Wisdom of the Dog. Please do check that out!

Thus, by God’s grace, I can say that to the best of their abilities, my girls had a strong sense of what was going on. Their changes in behaviors were directly effected by Jamie’s worsening condition. They simply “knew”.

All things

Without getting too deep into the spiritual aspects of this stuff right now, I do want to acknowledge that dogs are more cognizant of these things. I think as people “grow up” most are conditioned to be less and less aware of the spiritual realities in our midst. I’ll address that more later, but for this post I’ll just say that dogs are extremely sensitive to these realities. These realities become more profound the closer someone is to death. That is true whether they pass on or whether they recover. The battles we had in our home throughout this time were plentiful and powerful. Until that last day, that is. This, of course, was part of the struggle my girls had. They are not endowed with the Holy Spirit and His power, so that makes them even more fully dependent on us. Our faith.

I share that much to set the ground for what happened that last day with Jamie. I noted briefly in The Truly Important Things the last day we spent together was truly priceless. Other than letting the girls out first thing in the morning and feeding them, that entire day I spent in bed with my beloved. Each of my girls, when I did let them out and again when I brought them back in, the first thing they did was go to Jamie’s feet at the end of the bed and nudge him a bit. This might sound crazy, but it was like they were saying goodbye. That was the first and only time they ever did that while he was bedridden.

As much as I, until the literal very end, believed God would heal him, I think Jamie knew. He likely knew that morning when we woke. I think it became more and more clear to him as the clock ticked. I truly think our girls knew as well, for they did not ask to go out the rest of the day. There was such a heavy hush throughout our home that just got heavier and heavier, and pressed me to just lay in bed with him. We chatted, as much as he could, about silly things and reminiscing our love, which the Lord blessed us graciously. We looked at, what he called, “happy pictures.” At one point he asked me to pray with him. So I did, but when I started praying about the Lord’s Healing, he put his hand up to quiet me and caressed my cheek with tears in his eyes. Then I snuggled up with him to just be there with him. Together. Our favorite place.

During this entire time our girls were quiet. I swear it was almost like they tip-toed when they did get up to walk somewhere. I’ll even be silly enough to say that if they did get vocal, it was a whisper. They knew. Not sure what most readers here believe, but it was like our entire household was filled with Angels holding us up as we squeezed out every last second we had together. I felt their presence, and it was clear my girls did, too. The longer the day drew on, the more I clung to my beloved. Until, that is, I heard a voice telling me to go outside for a moment. Again, not sure what readers believe, but I can only tell the truth and pray you seek the Lord. But I know the Lord’s voice. He was telling me, essentially, to let go. To let my beloved pass on. It was Tuesday November 12th, 2024 at 11:52 pm when I kissed him one last time, told him he is my hero and the love of my life. I told him that I believe our Father was telling me to go outside. He nodded, barely, but noticeable. It was at that point Hanani became increasingly unsettled and started whining. I kissed him again, praised the Lord for him. Then as I walked out our bedroom door I heard his last breath leave him. I did go outside and when I returned about three minutes later, it was clear he was gone.

At this point, Mia was even pacing and whining periodically. Prior to this, Mia never paced about anything. I had not gotten past the shock enough yet to wail or really anything at that point. I just quietly prayed over him, cuddled with my beloved some more and simply let myself be. Not sure if that makes much sense, but that is the only word I can find after sitting here for almost ten minutes on that one sentence. During all this, for almost an hour, both of my girls did some “wailing” of their own sort. In fact, they, especially Hanani, still does this every so often. Since I knew there would be people needing to come in and Hanani’s room is right across from ours, I brought her hard crate up from the basement. By this time she was so nervous and beside herself, she kept whining and growling. I put her in that crate, locked it and put a blanket over the crate to help calm her. Mia was okay just being shut in her room for a bit.

At this point I need to express the utter necessity of tending to our pups, with great care, as sentient, personable creations of God, who are entirely aware of spiritual realities. At the same time, as noted, fully dependent on Believers to help them, protect and comfort them. This is true in all things.

After all

After all the necessary formalities of police and fire coming, paramedics running cardiogram and whatnot, by phone the medical examiner pronounced Jamie at 1:15 am Wednesday (Nov. 13th). The officer that remained while we waited for Redmond Funeral Home to pick up his body, was a God-send. That young man has some extremely needed, but rare, skills. He was my first human contact immediately after Jamie left and kept me company while we awaited the pick up. Amazingly, he got me talking about dogs! That in itself was a huge help. After they took Jamie’s body and everyone left it was deafening quiet, but there was an odd sense. It’s difficult to describe, but I know the girls felt it, too. Instinctively, I began praying while I got Mia out and loved on her a bit. Hanani was still quite unstable and I wanted to give her more time, so I left her for last. Mia went in our room, sniffed around a bit, whining as she did. She seemed suddenly fearful and ran to me, almost knocking me over, and clung to my legs as I led her back to her room.

As I approached Hanani’s room she was already growling viciously. I had to talk to her, pray over her, and pour out loads of reassurance. When she calmed enough, I opened her crate and before I even got the door fully opened, she burst through it. She hit her shoulder on the metal gate at the entrance of her room, as she bolted out of her room. Right into our room, she immediately attacked a chair that had blankets piled on it. I just stood back, praying, and let her get it out. She attacked the bed, the wall, and almost everything in that room. Even knocked the closet door off its track. Finally she came to me, whining, and just literally collapsed at my feet. Whatever it was that had her so riled was gone and we spent the next few hours in much prayer, belly rubs and tears.

Not sure

I am not fully sure how dogs perceive death, but I am certain they know. In the days and weeks following, both would often look for their best friend. Each day they would sit at the top of the stairs waiting for him to return. Of course, Hanani holding a toy, ready to play with her man. As time has passed they do this less and less. However, sometimes they still will sniff at his jacket or shoes, that I just cannot bring myself to get rid of yet, and let out a little whimper. Then look at me as if to say, “Gosh, I miss him.” So we cuddle a bit and, by God’s grace, move on with our day.

Although I am not fully sure what dogs know or how they perceive things like this, what I am fully, unshakably certain of is this: God designed dogs for our benefit in all areas of life. And when we follow His design, not only does it benefit us, but our four-legged companions as well. Those benefits are, in a word, truly Heavenly 😉